The famous actor Ed Asner said, “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
He had to be thinking about the laundry room when he said this—the combat zone—the space in which reasonable parents are transformed into bloodthirsty warriors hell bent on victory.
An empty wash basket is a sublime sight.
But.
With two teenagers, these moments are as rare as spotting a purple-striped zebra on the streets of New York city. The quantity of dirty clothing produced by human beings between the ages of thirteen and eighteen is remarkable. The basket is never vacant for more than sixty to ninety minutes and this only happens if wash cycles are precisely matched to said juveniles’ forced time away from home, i.e. when they’re at school, practice, or work.
It’s not common knowledge, but our youth take a secret laundry vow when they enter puberty:
- Should a garment be tried on for a possible outfit, but doesn’t work, it must be washed instead.
- Do not hang up wet towels. Their proper place is curled in a damp ball in the bottom of the wash basket.
- Under no circumstances wear pajamas two nights in a row. Icky. Throw those pjs in the laundry bin.
- The most sensible place for anything that you don’t want to put in a drawer or in a closet is in the laundry basket.
You might have guessed that doing the laundry has never made my top ten list of favorite activities. But by default, because I work from home, the majority of the wash duties fall on me.
Recently, though I reached my laundering threshold. After having completed four loads of laundry earlier in the day to find the laundry basket overflowing that evening, I broke.
I was resentful. Snappy. Pissed.
I was freaking sick of doing the laundry!
And forget about folding it!
This was not my job. I had company to run. Novels to write. Unending meals to make. Walks to take. Five hundred kids’ sporting events to watch. Books to read. I was NOT getting paid for doing the wash and I was gaining no emotional satisfaction from it whatsoever.
Enough. Done.
So I did what any reasonable human being would do under such dire circumstances.
I went to Target.
The home goods section.
I bought three hampers.
Then I called a family meeting and explained that I was no longer doing laundry. Ever. Again.
But my daughter whined that it was absolutely unfair as I’d been doing her brother’s laundry for seventeen years and, if this new law were to stand, she’d only been alive for fourteen and he’d gotten three more years out of me. My son sort of moaned and then went to his room. I happily set my new hamper in the back of my closet. For a couple days I felt bad for it as it had to be lonely with so little clothing in it.
My best friend thought I was being completely unreasonable. “The kids have enough to do. They won’t have time to do the laundry.” Another girlfriend sort of smirked and I could tell she was thinking, “That’ll never stick.” But other women looked at me with shock and awe a little inspiration.
Could it be?
Is it possible?
Now, part of the success of laundry relinquishment is letting go of any this-has-to-tidy-OCD-type-tendencies you might have. I like things neat, so this was a bit hard for me—oh, I lie—in the end it was sooo easy to stop doing the laundry. The solution was for me to close the doors to my kids’ rooms.
So, how’s it going?
Week by week, my darlings are developing their true laundering personalities. My son has gone from storing the clean wash in the dryer to throwing it on his floor to stuffing it in his closet. He hasn’t figured out that he’s creating a lot of ironing for himself (Nope, not doing that either).
My daughter’s laundry skills are evolving rapidly. At the beginning, she’d toss the clean wash on top of her bed. But this made it hard to sleep. And the wrinkles were too much for a young fashionista. Drum roll please . . . she is now so possessive of her laundry that I am not permitted to even look at her laundry.
Me? I not doing anybody’s laundry but my own. I’ve had to buy more underwear!
This battle has been won!
Not to brag, but I may be reaching mythic status. People whisper as I pass in the grocery store. A friend texted me a Happy Mother’s Day greeting with a postscript saying she bought her whole family hampers.
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P.S. There is something I love about my laundry room. Read about it HERE.
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“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.”
—Ann Landers
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Since you’re not going to be doing the laundry, you’ll have more time to cook (ha!) I found A Week of 5-Ingredient Dinners for Less Than $50 on EatingWell.com. They recipes look divine, especially the Chicken Breasts Stuffed with Pimiento Cheese! CLICK HERE
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Read the first three chapters of my debut novel, WHAT THE VALLEY KNOWS, HERE. I hope you love it enough to want to buy the book. Find it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Black Rose Writing. Happy reading!
“A taut, compelling family tale.” Kirkus Reviews
Till next time,
Heather 🙂
Love this! I snapped the day I was doing my son’s laundry and after peeling off the top layer there was last weeks clean folded laundry underneath. His pile reaches the closet ceiling until he does it! (And that’s okay as long as I can shut the door and pretend I never saw it!😉)
Yes, shutting the door is the secret: out of sight, out of mind. My quality of life has increased dramatically since I bought everybody hampers.
Another fun read…..you pick the time and place for the book signing/ launch and Sandy and i will be there….
Thanks, Leon! I can’t wait to see you guys on that happy day!
Sunday. Thursday would not work at all for me.
Most people are saying Sunday!
Good for you! My laundry moment to brag about happened when my daughter was about 11. She went into a very strange phase for her–wearing the exact same clothes to school every day. I told her that I couldn’t force her to wear other things but that kids could be mean and if they were going to tease her about the same outfits, they would not have more ammunition by said outfits being dirty. SO I taught her to do her laundry. The deal was that if she was going to wear the same clothes day after day, she would have to wash them EVERY NIGHT. She did it. That phase lasted about 2 weeks. The skill of doing her own laundry STUCK. My son’s story would take more time than I have this morning. LOL. Great read.
What a fun story about your daughter! I feel liberated now that I am only doing my own laundry! It’s a beautiful thing!
As a mom of 5 and grandpa living with us, I too stopped doing laundry for the kids – they turned 13 and their present was instructions on use of the washing machine. After a few pink under wears, they got the hang of it…the world did not end.
I smile now because they are all grown with families of their own and sometimes I call them and their wives tell me – “he is downstairs doing laundry”….
Oh Agnes! You are a woman after my own heart! I love your laundry initiation at 13! Perfect!
LOVE THIS!! 🙂
Good for you! It’s such relief not to look at those mountains of never sorted, never outside-outed, can’t even see them as clothes, clothes. Oh, yes, I’ve been there. My kids thought it couldn’t last, but you’re right–Shut the door! This was fun. Can’t wait for you book!
Thanks, Geri! Shut the door works like magic!
I too have declared that I won’t be doing anyone else’s laundry. Only problem with that is someone else’s clothes are always left in the washer or dryer when it’s time to do mine. Also have had my kids put my things in the dryer to make room for theirs in the washer. Seems like a nice gesture but some of my things shrink in the dryer. 🙄 It’s always a battle. If you figure out the solution to that problem please help a girl out and share. 😀
Hmm…maybe everyone could have his or her own laundry day!
Loved this story! I have been doing my own laundry since I was 12 and I still hate it!
Bravo Heather! Your future daughter-in-law will thank you for raising a self sufficient “it’s not all about me” man, your daughter is learning by example it’s OK to not “do” for others what they can do for themselves, and your husband, well he was already walking the laundry walk of freedom…now he has a partner :). Enjoy!!!
Thanks, Cindy!
Best story and win ever! Since my children are grown and no longer live at home..laundry is simple. But when the 3 of them were in school and sports, laundry was never-ending. It was overwhelming for sure. Love your blogs. Have a great day..Mary
Thanks, Mary! I am so glad you liked this blog.
My children started when they were in their early teens. With working 11pm -11am in the ER I felt it to be a good idea that my daughter with starting her menses know how to do her wash so she wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask Dad, and as for my son calling me at work to tell me his legion uniform was dirty. I responded with google it! He looked great. It was the best thing I ever did!