At Sunday dinner last week, my seventy-two year old mother was about to pass on the fresh-from-the-oven brownies that I’d baked.
“I’m on a diet,” she said with a look of sheer determination. “I’m not wearing a dress to swim in the bay this summer. I’m getting into a bathing suit.”
“Come on, it’s Sunday,” I said. “You can have a little dessert.”
My mother turned to my father. “Do I look fat?”
The table silenced.
He answered slowly with a hint of a mischievous smile, “Only moderately so.”
We held our breath. My mother has been trying to get back to her pre-pregnancy weight for forty-six years.
“Screw it!” My mom smiled. “Pass the brownies.”
We laughed.
But.
You need to lose five more pounds.
Your stomach is not flat enough.
You can’t eat that!
When it comes to weight, most of us lie. We’re either delusional about our own weight or we’re less than truthful about others.
Recently, I read an article and I was amazed by the author’s honesty about her daughter’s weight. Click here to read how this mother told her daughter that she was overweight. If only I could be this forthright with myself.
For years, I didn’t get on the scale. I thought I was healthy, teaching aerobics, but I hated my muffin top and how tight my jeans felt.
The sad part is that I didn’t get into a bathing suit for most of my kids’ childhood. When I saw pictures on Facebook of overweight women comfortable at the beach in a bikini, I felt like a shallow, superficial fraud.
Why couldn’t I just be happy with the way I looked? Embrace middle age and the tire roll that comes with it?
When I finally forced myself onto the scale two years ago, I nearly had a heart attack. While I thought I’d probably put on ten pounds, in reality I’d packed on twenty-five!
Enough!
But, I knew I couldn’t diet. And I couldn’t exercise any more than I already did. I had a huge mental block. The moment I started a diet, I was famished. And I expected after two days of serious restraint that I’d step on the scale and be ten pounds lighter.
From small things, big things come, Bruce Springsteen sings.
I decided to change one small thing.
I stopped having Cheez-its and Coca Cola for lunch (read my blog about it here).
I learned to love tea and honey.
Then I started to make homemade soups to take to work for lunch.
At Chick-fil-a I ordered a salad in place of a sandwich (still had the fried chicken on it).
I bought a FitBit.
For dessert, I only ate three bites (The Three Bite Rule).
I stopped riding the elliptical and started running instead.
Small things.
Slowly.
The weight dropped off.
I’m lighter now. But, I’m middle-aged, too. As friends get sick and complain about aches and pains, I’ve finally reached a point where I am grateful that my body is healthy. I’m learning to love myself and accept that I will never be stick thin. The unkind voices in my head have quieted.
Do I look fat? I ask myself whenI look in the mirror.
No.
You look just as you should.
Be happy. Put on a bathing suit. Soon your kids are going to be too big to care if you go in the water or not.
***
Here’s a super healthy soup that’s perfect for a hot summer evening. Click Alton Brown’s Healthy Gazpacho.
(I sprinkled Parmesan cheese and garlic salt on the slices of French bread to turn this cold soup into a meal)
Thought For The Week:
Step away from Mean Girls . . . and say bye-bye to feeling bad about your looks. Are you ready to stop colluding with a culture that makes so many of us feel physically inadequate? Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others. —Oprah Winfrey
***
My novel, What The Valley Knows, will be released January 25, 2018. Woohoo! Preorder now, using the code PREORDER2017 to save an additional 10%. Click HERE to purchase and enter to win a $100 Barnes & Noble gift card or a Kindle Paperwhite.
xoxo,
Heather
“This sensational novel is a moving, poignant story.”
Great advice Heather on how to lose weight.Make small changes, I am going to start telling my Personal Training clients this as well.
A little bit at a time has become my motto. Even with writing…250 words a day eventually turns into an 80,000 word book.
Thanks, sweetie!
I just had this conversation with a friend yesterday!!! We concluded that we reached a point in life, middle age-we called it maturity 😉, where the real things are all that matter. Friends who lift you up, a healthy body, personal growth and new experiences, less material possessions and more travel and experiences with your loved ones. I hate that it takes this long to be a peace with ones self. Our children, especially our daughters, deserve the same inner peace at a much younger age.
P.S. You are absolutely beautiful-just ask Troy!!!!
Thanks, Darla! I agree that we need to find inner peace about our appearances and concentrate and celebrate what really matters.
If we all could adopt the concept that ” its none of my business what you think of me ” life would be less stressful. Why do we worry about what others think ? Isn’t it more important what we think of ourselves? I dress for me, I watch my eight for me, I want to feel good for me. I have a two pound rule. I weigh myself daily. For me 154 pounds is where I feel my best. Should I hit 156 I diet till I am back to 154 pounds. Two pounds is a lot easier to loose than twenty. Having said all that , I see a hot fudge sundae in my future.
Leon, you are a great example of someone who’s lived a healthy life and it shows. Thanks for sharing.
Weight can twist your life into a knot. I have struggled with an eating disorder for years.
Learning to let go has been an exhausting journey. When I trained with Dane Miller at Garage Strength, he told me that everyone’s body has a healthy set point. His suggestion to me, “Eat healthy, make protein shakes, train and let go”. He even weighed me backwards for years. God bless him and everyone who has an eating disorder (NAD).
I might also add. You cannot see inside a persons body. The words you speak and the eyes you raise may have a lasting negative affect on a friend, family member and colleague. Choose your words wisely.
Sticks and stones may break your bones but words….
Heather, congrats on your blog!
Cathy, thanks for sharing. I think so many of us are too hard on ourselves when it comes to food and weight. We’re in this together.
This is so spot on, and I can so relate. Weight, diet, and exercise have become the main topic of conversation with many of my friends. So much so that I’ve backed away from friendships…we’re Mom’s for goodness sake, we have Plenty of other things to talk about! Am I happy with my body? Of course not, but it is a work in progress. I am however healthy, and happy, and staying active-which is exactly what I want for my daughter!
Thank you for this post!
You are setting a good example for your daughter by not engaging in the negative body image talk. I think it’s important for us to teach our girls that overall health and fitness is more important than a clothing size.
Another great topic, Heather. Your blogs are insightful and encouraging. Any time I start to bemoan my current weight and struggles to get the excess pounds off (25 down and 20 to go but doing it by simply eating clean and working out 4 days a week no matter how I feel), I tell myself I could have far bigger problems. I’m reminded of an anonymous quote: “If everyone in the world threw their problems in a pile, you’d reach in and pull your own back out.”
You’re halfway there. Twenty-five pounds lost is a great accomplishment. And yes, there are far greater problems that could besiege us. It’s important to keep everything in perspective.
Weight has always been an issue for me. My daughters remind me of my negative mumbling in the mirror. I still could lose 30 pounds. However, I am now less concerned because I work out at least 3x a week–plus a half hour of back exercises 2-times a day. What I have now is a minimum of pain (the greatest motivator), low cholesterol, low blood pressure, and x low blood sugar. These are the fringe benefits. I refer to myself as a little chubby and I can live with that! If those excess pounds should fall off, I can live with that, too. lol
It sounds like you are pretty healthy. I think to strive for low cholesterol, low blood pressure, and low blood sugar are key. Keep up the good work!
Let’s get together soon and walk! I miss doing that- Small steps (Like giving up candy) LOL
Yes…I think I’m at the point in my life as well where if people don’t like the way I look in a bathing suit, they can go stuff it. 😊
Liv, I looove your attitude! Thanks for reading.